Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

Last Updated: 02.07.2025 03:12

Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I have a reading level above third grade

I actually pay taxes

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Shai Gilgeous-Alexander Can Make Anyone Look Bad - Defector

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

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A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I see through liars

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

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I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I don’t buy bullshit

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

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I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

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I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

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I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I don’t cotton to rapists

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

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When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

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I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

Is Baby Netanyahu trying to start a "greater Middle East conflict” in order to stay in office and prevent his corruption trial?

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

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I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

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I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I can count

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I can read

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I understand how hurricane paths work

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I know who the president of Turkey really is